A E Stark is in a relationship
by Tolerance
Summary: Bored Tony plays with Facebook, which leads to unplanned announcement. One-shot. Rated for language.


Hey there. ;) My another attempt at one-shot. Something new I came up with, being drunk recently. Tell me if I should get drunk more often with Oxford Wordpower, then. D: I'm not making any advertisement here for Facebook, as I truly dislike it and can't find a thing there, but the idea got me while my friends seem to go bonkers every time anybody changes his relationship status. I'm beginning to suspect that most of these relationships are starting or ending for Facebook only. Sad, sad reality and sad people. ;p

Naturally, I am sorry for any of the mistakes I didn't catch (I read it millions of times, I got sick of it even, but I surely left something awful out there). I own nothing. (:

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It was a sweaty, almost hideously stifling-hot Sunday's morning. Even ocean's breeze didn't help at all with the temperature, that seemed to be unyielding. Due to the fact that the sun was shining crazily since it had risen, most of the windows at the mansion were darkened. However, it didn't help much as home's air conditioning was unfortunately dead, due to someone's recent invention activity hadn't went that well, destroying its main system with one unplanned explosion.

Lifeless Tony Stark was lying down on a couch in his living room, wearing nothing but boxers, and whimpered quietly. Usually, at the hottest day like this, he would be hiding in his workshop from all the weather inconveniences like these. However, he still couldn't manage any physical workout on his stuff, as his last mission left him heavily black and blue. It sucked even more, because Pepper, of course, couldn't miss the chance to chide him from heads to toes for that. She also banned him out of the shop for two days under the sentence of him not getting any sex in the nearest future. He wasn't suicidal to give up, by his own wish, on something obviously that mind-blowing, and to what he got access just recently.

So he was lying on the couch, whimpering, feeling his whole body becoming sticky from the air. For a moment he thought about hitting the swimming pool to cool down a little, but only the vision of his fiercely angry woman, reminding him of his rest, killed the plan. Then he reached, with more willpower needed that he was used to, for remote control.

"Sir, if you need the TV on, you should just say so," JARVIS said.

"Shuddup," Tony barked at the AI and settled back himself comfortably, "I need to move a little, otherwise I might sink into this couch, never to be seen again."

"May I point that your body, sir, is still very sore and will regenerate completely in approximately 2 days and 7 hours, if you stick to your medicine plan," Jarvis pointed, without missing a beat.

"Noted the sore thing all the way through, believe me," Tony answered, wrinkling his nose and turned the television on, finally.

He nearly went through every possible channel to only find that news stations were merely giving any useful and important information and music channels were actually full of disgusting rubbish instead of, simply, music. Finally, after almost turning off the TV on channel where some fat women were screaming and hitting each other, Tony found a program with some good, old, and new also, rock. After a couple of minutes of watching different music videos, from heavy metal to indie rock, Tony mused that maybe everything's not lost when it came to youth.

Then some kind of ad came onto the screen, showing links to the Facebook profile of the station for more of the most popular clips nowadays. Intrigued, Tony reached once more to the table for his laptop. He really got interested and wondered when was the last time he checked out the new music. Must have been around year ago, when he wasn't busy with saving the world yet.

Tony swung a bit to the rhythm of the music, that was going now in the background quieter, as he turned the computer on and tapped his fingers against its cool material impatiently. He grinned slightly, just like every time he switched his laptop on, when a black and white image of a very seductively smiling Pepper, covered only with duvet, came onto the screen. It was taken that one time, when she was absolutely relaxed and let him to photograph her. Of course, Pepper being Pepper, she had to whine every time she saw that picture. She would say then that she is no model and her smile, pose and general outlook of her body are ridiculous. He, then, would try to convince her that everything about her body, including her killer legs, is perfect to him. And with his kisses and caresses Tony had always strong arguments in his hand.

His mind got back to this Facebook site. Not without a problem, he recalled the password at last. Pepper once made that account for him in order to keep in touch with his fans and give him and Iron Man some good publicity. Tony also remembered that when they announced this new account on the official Stark Industries website, he accepted back then everyone possible as his friend, not caring at all about the stuff going on there later.

So it was a bit of surprise for him when the main page showed up and he got flooded with information, statuses, pictures and God knows what else. Jose Gonzales likes Lady Gaga? Caroline Parker changed her profile image? What the hell was that? When figured how, he found some entertainment while hiding almost everyone on the board, excluding some like Rhodey, Pepper or employees. It didn't astonish him that Rhodey was quite active on the site, playing some game called Mafia Wars. Tony sneered with laugh at that.

That's when a big window appeared on his screen, saying that he didn't fill in info about himself and it was necessary to be done, so he could browse through the site.

Tony rolled his eyes, but clicked on the link in the box anyway. _Might as well kill some time before princess ginger-head wakes up, _he thought. He chuckled to himself when he filled the Favorite Quotations position with "I am Iron Man" sentence only. _I mean, who does take this thing seriously?_ he added in his thoughts. Then he changed his photo with up-to-date one. After all he was at hairdresser's recently and didn't look like an Afghan Hound anymore.

Roaming around the settings he added that his favorite color is blue, or vanilla is his choice with ice-creams, when he finally noticed Relationships bar. Without thinking he changed his relationship status from Single to In a Relationship. Another box appeared demanding on name of the person, who he was in the relationship with. Tony grinned and filled in politely 'Virginia Potts', amused at his own action. The box even filled in the rest of her name for him as he started only typing "Potts".

Being quite tired with flashing boxes and buttons already, Tony tilted his head to all the way back and hit it on headrest, totally forgetting why he got into the page in the first place. He closed his eyes and almost drifted off to slumber when the laptop, still being on his lap, let out a sound that meant a new conversation on the Stark Industries communicator. Lazily Tony opened his eyes and focused on the screen once more. It was Rhodey.

_**Rhodey: **__Pepper's going to kill you, you know that?_

_**Tony: **__Why? Did you tell her some more of that cheating shit? I swear, that wasn't funny __at all__._

_**Rhodey: **__Oh, then she knows that you just announced to everybody that you're in a relationship?_

_**Tony:**__ The hell? How? I thought I hid everyone on that stupid Facebook thing._

_**Rhodey:**__ Am I still still talking to the same technical genius? Hiding them doesn't mean they don't see what you do, I think._

Tony's eyebrows went up, as he refreshed the main Facebook page and found his latest activity described as "A. E. Stark is in a relationship.". His eyes grew even bigger when he noticed loads of strangers starting to comment on it.

_**Tony:**__ I hate this site. Yep, she's going to kill me. Maybe only few people read that? It's Sunday and morning too!_

_**Rhodey: **__The shit is very popular recently, Tony. So, sorry but... no. Say hello to the new wave of paparazzi around the house. If you survive the red-head attack, you silly dumbhead._

_**Tony: **__You're not helping! How do I change that? God, these fans have no life or something... At least it doesn't show I wrote that I'm with Potts in that relationship, so she's safe._

_**Rhodey: **__Because she didn't accept your relationship invitation yet, being all asleep. Hahaha. My personal fav comment is "_Stark in a relationship? With mirror, you mean?" _and other guessing the chosen one from Halle Berry to Kermit the Frog. Oh man, you're the bomb now._

Tony started clicking and switching sites quickly, cursing under his nose. _Where are these stupid options?_

_**Tony:**__ I can't find the fucking setting thing, I'm that stupid apparently. And I just played with it not 10 minutes away. Maybe I can delete that account before Pepper notices?_

_**Rhodey:**__ Yeah, and throw her cellphone into the ocean too. And ban her on the press and television. I think I almost hear the ringing of her Blackberry here already._

_**Tony:**__ Shit!_

At the same moment Pepper's phone started ringing madly on the kitchen top. Tony threw the laptop away to the couch and sprinted into the kitchen, his bruises signing their presence and slowing him down. He switched the Blackberry off, without looking at it, and hid it under the table, on the unused shelf. Then he returned to the laptop.

_**Rhodey:**__ What's going on?_

_**Tony**__: That stupid phone. I mean, why would these reporters trouble my CEO about my private stuff, anyway?_

_**Rhodey:**__ Because that's what Pepper always does, saves your irresponsible ass from the mess you make. Ok, listen, I don't think it will quite help you, given the circumstances, but you can remove the thing from your wall and..._

But Tony didn't have a chance to finish reading what his best friend wrote to him, as he saw Pepper going down the stairs. She was wearing nothing but his loose, blue shirt. In one second he closed laptop's lid and tried to look very interested in the band shouting from the TV screen currently.

When she reached the floor, Pepper approached Tony, still yawning a bit, and gave him a chaste kiss.

"I think I heard my phone ringing, did you? Huh, what these people want at a day like this? At 8 am, too," she asked, moaning a bit and looking around for the Blackberry.

"It had to be in your dream, Pep," Tony replied, trying to put on his poker face. "See? You work too much. Instead of dreaming of your awesome boyfriend, you dream of phones ringing," he added and grinned sheepishly.

Pepper snorted with laughter and headed for the fridge.

"I'm making myself yogurt with muesli. You want some?" she asked loudly, sticking her head out from behind the wall.

"No, thanks," Tony answered and opened with record speed the computer once more, only to find that it turned self off, while he kept it closed on his legs, waiting for her to come down.

"Shit, shit, shit," he muttered to himself and turned it on once more, "damn energy saver."

"Something wrong with the laptop?" Pepper asked concerned, flopping onto the couch, near his legs.

"Nah," only came from frightened now Tony, who didn't expect her to come back that soon.

For a long, quiet moment she was busy with eating and watching the music channel. Tony was hitting the keyboard keys quickly, trying to restore Rhodey's advices. One of Pepper's legs made its way to his feet, and nudged him playfully. He barely smiled at her, raising his gaze from the laptop screen just to look at it again.

Pepper, sensing difference in his behavior, shifted in her position and leaned over to him. "You're up to something," she stated, "Something happened. I know that look on your face," she added suspiciously.

"Tell you what..." Tony started, finally logging onto the Facebook, "You're being hypersensitive, Potts. I'm not up to anything," he denied, forced to lower the laptop lid a little again, when she leaned dangerously too close.

"Where's my phone?" she questioned and rose her eyebrow.

"What?" Tony answered stupidly, focused on finding the goddamn settings.

"My phone, Tony. Where's the Blackberry?"

"No idea, sweetheart," he answered, loosing his cover with that nickname.

Pepper narrowed her eyes and zipped into the kitchen immediately. Tony finally found the settings he wanted and was about to delete the profile when he heard a shriek from the kitchen.

"Anthony! Why is my phone buzzing like crazy and is muted?" Pepper exclaimed, and came back to the living room, pointing with the phone at him.

Tony whined in a low voice, "I thought I turned that idiotic thing off."

"Well, you didn't. Do you have anything to say before I answer one of these calls?" she inquired, putting her free hand on her hip.

"Um... I love you and you really look sexy in my shirt?" Tony sighed and gave up, throwing his hands in the air. That woman wouldn't miss a thing, ever.

Pepper rolled her eyes, pressed the green button on the cellphone and put it up to her ear.

"Virginia Potts, yes?" she said, her voice sounding all professional and sedate again. "I'm sorry? His Facebook account? We confirmed it a long time ago. _What?_ Jane, I'll call you back, OK?" Pepper hung up.

"Apparently there's quite a turmoil going on the Internet, due to rumor about your so-told engagement?" Pepper asked, her eyebrows high in the fringe.

That was when Tony's poker face failed and he burst out with laughing, "Man, they're quick! I'm engaged already?"

Pepper did not laugh though, her eyes filled with pure fury.

"You're the only man on the planet that can make such a fuss on a hot, lazy morning like this one! And with some stupid website, too!"

She grabbed her own laptop from her bag and sat on the couch without saying another word. Tony shifted, sat straightly on the couch and put a hand on her shoulder, just to be shrugged off.

"Pep, don't be like that, please..." Tony moaned.

"Tony, the last thing I need now is a bunch of reporters roaming around you, trying to find out who is that woman that caught your heart. I don't have time for this," she sighed and typed in her password, shaking her head, "The minute I turn my back you're doing something incredibly stupid!"

"Excellent point, see? They'll see who is that powerful, powerful woman, that caught my heart!" he replied, happy with his argument.

"My point is," Pepper said with accent on 'my', "that we've promised each other this to be secret. And there's no way we can hide that now easily. I wanted to avoid the noisy reporters, you getting us as a target. Did you forget about that?" she added with a heavy sigh, logging on her Facebook account.

"I'm sorry, Pepper, this is such an enormous mistake, I'm an idiot and prick," he answered, taking his laptop on his lap again, "I tried deleting this thing, but you distracted me."

"You changed your status from Single to In a Relationship?" Pepper asked with disbelieving, blinking her eyes at the computer, "That's what the all rumor is about? I thought there was something more."

"I know, I mean, can't I just put that status back to Single and say 'Hey, I'm sorry, I made a mistake, no need to babble about that'? Man, people are strange, getting all excited for one status thingy."

"The reporters are still gonna follow you for some time, until the thing quiets down," she pointed, clicking on the touchpad. "Which, probably, with you always is never."

"Then we'll have to be very careful," Tony glanced at her with an apologetic look.

"If you can keep your hands to yourself and mouth shut," Pepper muttered.

Tony refreshed the main Facebook page, staring blankly at the madly growing amount of comments, when he noticed a new notification that appeared in the News Feed. "Virginia Potts is in a relationship with A. E. Stark." it said.

"What? Why is your name now shown up?" he snapped at the computer.

"'Cause I accepted your relationship request, silly," Pepper answered, sighing.

"Are you mad? Why would you do that? Now you'll have no life with reporters!"

"The coming out would happen sooner or later, Tony. And looking at the fact that it's unfortunately sooner, I'm saving us the time of stupid questions and interviews," she replied and put her laptop away, lying her legs next to it on the table, sinking into the cushions. Pepper gave him glimpse of a smile and turned her head away closing her eyes.

"It's kind of cheaper, this way, although also incredibly shallow, but I let it be."

"Looking at the bright side, everyone can see now that I am able to commit. Plus, I can kiss you and palpate around as much as I want to," Tony tried to sound rightly. "But it puts you out into danger," he groaned.

"I'll be fine. I knew the risk when we got involved and, to tell you the truth, if someone wanted to hurt you, press or no press, he would find out on his own," Pepper shrugged and added, "or would kidnap Dummy."

Tony put his laptop away also, not caring about the comments showing up under the new announcement. Gently he took her hand in his, and kissed it slightly on the wrist.

"I'm sorry I've put you into this," he said seriously and kissed now her forehead, murmuring into her hair, "But now you'll have no excuse for escaping from me getting you a bodyguard."

"Oh, tell me you're kidding! No way!" Pepper exclaimed in annoyance.

"It's either bodyguard or tracking chip I'll graft to your bottom," Tony laughed and kissed her fully on the lips with kind of relief. She didn't give him hell, as he expected, and feeling miraculously cured he undid the only one button of the shirt she's been wearing. He threw it away on the laptops at the table. Who cared about the silly community sites, anyway?

_Fin

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Thank you for reading. :)


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